Here is your horoscope
for Friday, May 11:

Don't let a minor incident wreak major havoc on your life. It was a look, a laugh or an offhand comment that you overheard by chance. It doesn't mean what you necessarily think it means. Get some perspective.

I am attempting to keep perspective now. Master just told me he will not be out to visit this summer. I am heartbroken.

SOS!

Does the world ever gang up on you? It attacked me tonight. All of the things that are going wrong seemed to be at their worst Thursday night.

Maybe I should explain what I mean by going wrong. In a nutshell, my house needs a lot of work, and I don’t have the know-how to do it or the money to hire it done. My lawnmower has died, or at least become ill. My grass is so tall the local police came to complain, to tell me to “abate the nuisance”. I could go on and on about that, but that’s another post. Anyway, I got a friend to loan me their mower. I hate doing that. I’m doing good to run my own, and it took a while to figure this one out. I pretty sure I didn’t have it right, although the neighbor gentleman came over and tried to help. I feel like I ended up wearing at least half of the lawn. And with a 3 foot strip left, the lawnmower quit! I can’t get it started up again! I have tried calling the owners, but they must have dial up internet. The phone has been busy all night.

Okay, like I said, I’m wearing half of my lawn, so I need a shower, right? Too bad the pipes are so bad that the hot water just trickles into the bathroom. It takes forever (hours) to fill the tub, and a shower is out of the question. I ain’t waiting for hours! So I go to the school showers. While I’m at it, I take a load of clothes with me. You see, for some reason, sometimes when I use the washing machine, it throws a breaker and I can’t keep the machine going. I don’t know why. Remember, I’m not mechanically inclined in the least. So I lug my clothes with me to school.

Sometimes, you know you have to get up and walk away. Tonight was one of those times. I finally broke down and asked my 75 year old dad to come up and help. I hated to do that, but who do I turn to? He will be coming up for my son’s graduation anyway. I’m hoping he can help with these things around the house.

I so wish Master were here. I need to lean on him. He is not a Mr. Fix-It type. He wouldn’t come charging in with his tool box duct tape and fix everything. But he is my Master. I need him.

Yesterday I wrote about being content with what you have. Every so often I seem to struggle with that. I wrote about it because I needed to remind myself of some important facts, like things to make you happy. Why do I struggle with this periodically?

I think I got the answer today. The weight gain. The familiar “ugh” feeling in my loins. Yes, I believe it is about that time of the month.

What gets me is I suffer through bad attitude for a day or two before recognizing the cause. Duh! And at my age, things are changing and my body throws me more curves than it used to. I may be early. I may be late. I may skip one. I only know that in the last few years I’ve noticed how it effects me in ways beyond the physical.

Once I recognize the source, I seem to be able to deal with it. I need to take a chill pill. Pass the Midol, please.

I have found it! I truly believe I know the secret to happiness.
Phillippians 4:11b “for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.”

That’s it. It is to be content in whatever circumstances you find yourself in. However, KNOWING and APPLYING are two different things.

Why is it important to be content in the circumstances you are in? I often find myself wanting. I want to be in the same place as Master. I want to have more money. I want to have a nicer house. I want, I want, I want. But the truth is, if I had those things, I would soon want something else. Therefore, I must learn to be content with what I have. That is not to say I don’t work for the things I want, but I must be content with the here and now. If not, I miss out on the enjoyment that I might have had. If I am focused on what I want instead of what I have, I miss the opportunity to enjoy what I’ve got.

So, how do I achieve contentment with what I have? I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe that things are working out as they are supposed to. I am right where I am supposed to be right now. If I believe that things work out the way they are supposed to, I should know that I’m okay, right?

As I was thinking of these things, I found my horoscope for today:

You can’t get behind this, but the stars say you need to find a reason to believe. In other words, fake it ‘til you make it. Once you do, you’ll see how those shaky steps were necessary to get you right here, right now.

Talk about words meant for me to hear today.

So, I will learn to be content in all things. Or I’m gonna fake it till I make it!

I understand that many people participate in threesomes. Or that at times subs are asked to service (sexually satisfy) someone besides their Master. I have been thinking about that.

As far as the idea of a threesome or a lesbian encounter is concerned, I will admit to being mildly curious. But only mildly. If it never happened, I wouldn’t care. As a matter of fact, I have some concerns about that sort of thing. Concerns that would cause me to be hesitant to participate.

Those concerns center around my view of sex. For me, sex is about more than satisfying a physical desire. There are some pretty strong emotions involved. It is very difficult for me to do a one night stand, or sex “just for fun”. My emotions kick in, I develop a strong attachment to the person, and I inevitably do not want to share. Given that, how would a threesome work? Emotionally, I mean. I don’t think it would work for me. I want ONE and ONLY ONE. As far as a lesbian encounter is concerned, I want that ONE relationship to be with a man.

So what happens to the ONE relationship when someone else is brought into it? I can’t think of anything good that will happen. It seems to me that the original relationship could be damaged. I guess I’m saying I want sex to be one of my special things I share with the ONE I love.

I’ll admit to sexual desire. Sometimes, I just want to be FUCKED!!! But that is not as satisfying without the emotional component.

Sex is easy. I want more.