The great composer does not set to work because he is inspired but becomes inspired because he is working. Beethoven, Wagner, Bach and Mozart settled down day after day to the job at hand. They didn’t waste time waiting for inspiration. – Ernest Newman

As I write, sometimes I search for inspiration. I look around and hope an idea hits. In the case of this post, I looked in a book of quotes for ideas. The above quote by Ernest Newman struck a chord.

I am expected to write every day. This is my “work”. Sometimes inspiration does come, making my job easier. Some of the inspired writings are very good. Sometimes, however, they don’t convey what I want to express. Inspiration is no guarantee of quality.

Sometimes, though, I just come up dry. I have no idea what to write about. I will sit at my computer, searching for ideas, looking, looking. I may check the news, quotations, literally look around at the things that surround me, searching for “inspiration”. Occasionally, in desperation, I will just start writing and see what comes out. Sometimes what comes out is great. Sometimes not.

According to Master, Ray Bradbury said that 15% of what you write will be good. The other 85% will be garbage. So it’s okay to write the stuff that’s not so good. How else will you get to the 15%? Obviously, this is part of what Master is teaching me through these writings.

So I settle down to the work of writing. Inspiration will come.

Driving home, I saw the moon above, big and round, looking down at me.

“Swear not by the inconsistent moon,” said Juliet.

Sometimes, like tonight, the moon is full and bright. Sometimes there is just a small portion visible. Sometimes, nothing.

But the moon is not inconsistent. It is there. It is always there.

What we see changes. But the moon remains, regardless of what we see.

So is my Master. Always there. Regardless.

Might seem strange, looking for a connection between the two, and I’m sure that any connection is incidental. And yet I can’t help but notice the relationship between Bellatrix Lestrange and Voldemort.

She calls him Master, and she means it. I felt a thrill each time I read the word. She is completely devoted to him, would do anything for him, would suffer anything for him. In the last book, her actions are described at times as being those of a loverI don’t believe there was any sort of intimate relationship between them. The whole thing was pretty much one-sided. . I don’t believe that Voldemort loved her. He didn’t love anyone.

Yet, there is something about her loyalty and devotion that I find appealing. I wish to be that completely engrossed in my Master. I wish to serve him with all that I have, all that I am. It is strange that such an evil character has given me something to aspire to.

About a week and a half ago, I wrote a post concerning a Dom named Brad. He introduced me to bdsm. He has been friendly to me, although his slave has not. Master Bennet wanted him to talk to him in order to continue our friendship. After I posted, I heard no more from Brad. Master suggested I ask him for a response. Here is what I received from him:

“Good morning. I did read your post right around the time it was posted. No matter what my comment is , Bennet will have a reason why I said it. To get another persons opinon on whether or not you can pick your own friends brings back what I have read on cults and there leaders. David Coresh, Charles Manson, and Jim Jones all convinced there followers that any outsiders were only trying ruin the happiness they had. Brainwashing the followers. Honestly I feel that is exactly what Bennet is doing with you. Taking away your choice of friends is just the start. Bennet will come back saying I only want you for myself, I want you happy. Sorry if I piss you off. TTYL”

I notice that one of the issues that Brad did not comment on was the issue of respect. Does his slave respect me or my Master? And should that be a concern of Brad’s? I think Brad and Master Bennet have different thoughts and beliefs about what bdsm is for each of them. Master Bennet told me from the start that he wants to control me. He wants to be a part of me, as deep into my soul as is possible. Brad thinks that is a bad thing. I think it is a deeper level of intimacy. It is a major component of what makes U/us one.

Brad, on the other hand, is more into using. He used to use a sheet for a potential partner to fill out. The sheets are easy to find, they are all over the internet. These sheets ask what the limits are, i.e., what they are willing to do and what they won’t do, how long the arrangement will last, that sort of thing. The effect can be somewhat like a business arrangement.

While I don’t doubt that he and his wife have more than just an “arrangement”, it may explain why he doesn’t feel a need to admonish his slave. He doesn’t see her as an extension of himself; therefore, he doesn’t feel the need to correct her for her behavior. If she is rude, he doesn’t see that as a reflection on him at all. Interesting…

I do feel that I should respond to the idea of brainwashing. Am I being brainwashed? Do I have any choices? Yes, I still have choices. As Master and I have discussed this, I have made suggestions, and told him what my thoughts and feelings were. I am not worried about his control, and I understand his concerns.

And when it comes down to it, whose collar do I wear? Master Bennet’s. Without reservation, that is where my loyalties ultimately lie.

Three little words that are so important. They have such an effect on me. When my Master says them, they draw me in. I feel myself giving myself to him, becoming part of him. They leave me shaky and weak, trembling at his feet. They leave me grateful to have found him, to be possessed by him. My whole world stops when Master says,

“Cum for me!”