Only for you, Master, would I do what I did Tuesday.

Because of work obligations, I dressed up, including heels. I left the house at 7:30 am and did not finish work until 8:00 pm. Wearing heels all day, I felt like I had been standing the entire time, although I hadn’t. I spent the day rushing from one school to another, preparing for the first day of classes on Wednesday. There was very little down time. I seemed to always find one more little thing to do.

In the evening, I had to attend two open houses (there was a third, but no way would it fit into my schedule). Again, I traveled from one building to another, playing both mother and employee. Finally, at 8:00 pm, the open houses were over. I was free to do as I wished.

And what did I do? I donned my walking shoes and walked my 50 minutes. There had been no time for it earlier. Since Master told me to do so, I have walked my 50 minutes every day but one. That day, it was raining, and I was at my father’s house, so I had no where inside I could walk. It is the only day I have missed. I felt so bad about that one that the next day I walked twice as much the next day in an attempt to make up for it.

Anyway, only for you, Master, would I put in the extra 50 minutes while I was so dog tired. Only for you.

Monday was the first official day back to school for me. (I have gone in and gotten some work done.) This year I am faced with some different assignments and challenges. I am trying to dive in.

As I went about my work, I kept glancing at my collar. Generally, I want to do things well. I want to make a difference and do a good job. But today, as I prepared for the start of the school year, I was often reminded of Master and how the job I do reflects back on him. I find that I want to succeed, not just for me, but because that would make him feel proud of me, and I want to reflect back positively on him.

So, as the school year progresses and I move on with my work, Master remains an important part of what I do, even though he is 1200 miles away.

Do you know anyone who suffers from chronic pain? My mother did. She had a hip that was a problem. It got progressively worse. Since she was diabetic, morbidly obese, and had a host of other health problems, the doctors didn’t want to do surgery. In the end, it was too late. The bone had deteriorated beyond the doctors’ ability to repair it. She suffered from chronic pain.

They told my mother that pain could be managed and sent her with a variety of different pills. Unfortunately, there are always side effects with the pills. They may put you to sleep, or cloud your mind. I remember trying to talk to my mother on the phone, and she was unable to put together coherent thoughts. Her mind refused to focus. For my mother, there were really no good options.

I worry about this, because I know that my Master is experiencing something similar. He doesn’t complain, mind you. He only mentions it when I ask why he has been so quiet. We don’t talk much because, quite frankly, he doesn’t feel up to it. I know there is nothing I can do for him, but I ask anyway. I know that even if I were by his side, I could not take the pain away for him, although I gladly would.

Is this a damper in our lifestyle? Well, yes and no. We obviously aren’t playing. Master doesn’t even feel like having a conversation. Yet, I believe trials like this strengthen us as a couple, and as a Master and his slave. It is, after all, a willingness to deal with day to day life and issues that bring us closer together.

Master, I am still here for you, still serving you.

The nephew of a man I work with died recently. The nephew was young and the death was sudden. We wondered what had happened. Suicide happened.

I worry about kids sometimes. I’m old. I have seen some of life’s ups and downs. I’ve had my share of grief, of sorrow, of Hell. I have learned through experience that this, too, shall pass. But kids don’t know that. They may not be able to see that things can be better. Sometimes I think this is why suicide happens in the young.

This young man was only 14 years old, only a boy, really. I don’t know the family well, so I don’t know what caused someone that age to decide that death was his best option. Even if I had been close to them, I doubt I would ever be able to understand. With suicide, those left behind torture themselves with the big question. WHY? It’s a question that can never be answered to the satisfaction of the supplicant.

“Suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes,
And I can take or leave it if I choose.”
From the theme from M*A*S*H

Suicide, painless? I don’t think so. Just look in the eyes of those left behind.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a diet I was trying, called no white at night. It had three basic rules:

1. Eat three meals a day.
2. Eat protein at ever meal.
3. No white at night (avoid pasta, potatoes, bread, etc.).

Well, two weeks later and 5 pounds heavier, I have decided this is not working. I have to admit I am frustrated. I did attempt to follow it, and I tried to watch portion sizes and such. But, for whatever reason, I’m gaining weight.

So, I am going back to what I was doing, watching what I eat but not worrying so much about when I eat it. I will try to be very careful about “saving up” so I can eat a lot at night. This is a bad habit that I have that I know Master would like me to break, so I will remain mindful of that. But, on the other hand, if potatoes are served for supper, I see no reason I can’t eat a normal portion.

I wish to maintain myself for my Master, and I will carry on.