I am required to write every day. I must admit that I have not been in the mood. Usually I write the night before and post in the morning, but I put it off. Why? Perhaps I hoped that I would be more up to it this morning. I’m not really sure. However, “not being in the mood” is no excuse, so I sit and I write.

I have been extremely busy. I am preparing for another out of town trip. This requires packing and preparing someone else to do my job. In addition, there were some deadlines at work that I had to meet---more work. And, of course, underlying all of that is my sadness at the loss of my companion dog, Chip. I have been feeling quite overwhelmed.

When I return from my trip, I intend to post Chip’s story. I will try not to bore you, but I want you to know more about him than just his death. He was a wonderful dog.

But for now I must slog forward.

I have written before about my old dog, Chip. Well, I finally had to do it. I had to put him down.

Chip had cancer. We realized that a couple of months ago, but as I told Master, I didn’t want to put him to sleep until he had wrung all of the joy out of life that he was able to. Chip became skinnier as he didn’t eat, and he became weaker. Urinating became difficult for him. So many times he tried to go but could not. I was constantly cleaning up after him.

But as bad as these things were, I didn’t think he was ready to let go of life. He laid around a lot, but he didn’t seem to be in terrible pain. He was slowing down more and more, getting around was more difficult for him, but he didn’t seem terribly unhappy. Until…

Until the seizures. The first time I saw one, I thought he was trying to get up but was unable to. He thrashed around, lurching toward his left side. Later, after it was over and he had rested, he got up and walked away. I wondered then if he had had a seizure.

On Tuesday morning at 3:00 was awakened by noises. I thought one of my other dogs was scooting under my bed, getting into whatever he found there. When I looked, though, I saw Chip in the throws of another seizure. Again, he was thrashing around. He extended his next and his front legs stiffened. But the worse thing was the look in his eyes. He was obviously scared.

I talked to him and calmed him somewhat as the seizure ran its course. This one lasted longer than the other that I witnessed. I wondered how many times he had gone through this when I was at work. I knew he was miserable at that moment. And I knew there was only one way to stop it.

I made an appointment for after work and took Chip in. He did not want to go into the office, so I asked them to do it outside in the grass. I tried to explain to them all that was happening, but I was just too choked up to say what I wanted to say. But they knew he had been sick and they understood.

What I wanted to say so much to Chip was I’m sorry. I was his Master, his protector. I know it doesn’t make sense to feel guilty. I did the best that could be done for him. I just felt helpless, knowing that death was the best I could provide for him. . I know that sounds very negative. I know I did the best I could do for him, but it still hurts.

Yesterday I talked about submissives and honesty. What about Doms? Must they be honest? ABSOLUTELY!!!

As I said yesterday, a relationship is based on trust. A Dominant that is dishonest with you cannot be trusted; therefore, you as a submissive should not allow him to dominate you. Being dominated is a choice. A man that is not honest does not deserve you. Furthermore, he will hurt you in the long run.

Many “Dominants” will say anything to a submissive to get her to play. All they want is to get in her pants. They have no respect for her, or even for themselves. Their only goal is to play and receive self gratification. These types exist in the vanilla world as well. Remember, there are assholes anywhere you go.

A Dom who lies to his sub, even “for her own good”, perhaps especially so, is not trustworthy. He is not worthy at all. Such a sub should seriously consider asking for release.

I sent the following to Master, because I thought it was funny:

Honesty for women!

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you
crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes.”

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care
of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable
reason, and in the best interest of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

Signed,
All Us Women

Replied I should make this a post and comment on Masters.

First, though I would like to comment on subs who lie.

When I sent this to Master, I said that, of course, I would never lie to him. Personally, I don’t believe it is okay to lie in general, and I certainly wouldn’t lie to Master. If I am going to do something and think I will need to lie to Master about it later, I rethink the whole situation. Why would I lie to Master? Would he disapprove? If so, why would I do what he would disapprove of?

What about little white lies? “Yes, dear, your speech was wonderful”l (even if it bombed). Neither Master nor I appreciate those types of little white lies. It is better to face the truth. “That joke in your speech, dear, just fell flat. You were a little off tonight.”

What about something like a surprise? Well, as much as I would like to do something of that nature, Master HATES receiving surprises. He likes giving them, which is fortunate, because I like receiving them. But he does not want to be surprised. He would rather know ahead of time what is going on. Then if he doesn’t like something, he can change it to his satisfaction.

Relationships, especially within the confines of bdsm, are based on trust. Without honesty, there is no trust. Without trust, the relationship will fail.

Tomorrow—Truth and Masters

Yes, I am back on the subject of eating. At my recent conference, I found that eating can be a difficult proposition if one is trying to be careful. I had to step carefully to avoid pitfalls.

The first of all, breakfast is a continental type breakfast, with lots of choices of muffins and rolls. Hmmm, not that best fare for me. There was, however, fresh fruit and yogurt. They even had a little granola to mix in with the yogurt. Nice touch.

Lunch was chicken over pasta. BIG piece of chicken, but the pasta serving wasn’t too bad. We tend to eat way too many carbohydrates in the form of pasta, bread and so forth. The veggies were very good, but there were only a half a cup, maybe less. Don’t be so stingy!! Last but not least, there was a rich looking piece of cake. I struggled with that one for a bit. Would I eat it? Did I really want it? Strangely enough, to get over those times I say to myself, of course you can eat it! (I can. I am able to.) Then I say, but do you REALLY want to? Usually I answer no, as I did at the conference. I no longer feel deprived ( I gave myself permission to it eat, remember?) and I just went ahead and did what I wanted to do.

Supper that night was up to me. My idea of a great meal is an all you can eat salad bar. (Yes, Master, I see you laughing right now.) But it has almost everything a body needs. There are lots of good veggies and fresh fruits, and protein in the form of ham, chicken, egg, cheese, etc. Usually one can find salads with pasta if one needs something from the bread and cereal group. I could also have chosen soups or deserts, but I passed on those.

The final day’s lunch, however, was a problem. They were providing a “lunch in a box”. I had a feeling it was something I wouldn’t want. I was right. It was a sandwich on a bun (more bread than I needed, especially since I had eaten a muffin earlier) and a giant cookie. I opted to return to the same salad bar I had visited the night before.

I have another conference next weekend. Will they do any better? Hmmm, I doubt it. I’ll just have to remember the boy scout motto and BE PREPARED!