Recently, Master has used the above quote. I wished to comment on it. It expresses a wonderful optimism that displays Master’s belief in enjoying your life. Could I say the same? If my life were over, would I have regrets?

The only regret I would have is not getting my children raised and on their own before my departure from this world. I have seen enough of this world to know that when one dies unexpectedly, in the long run life goes on. But my kids are young enough that they are not ready to go it on their own. My absence WOULD change their world.

But, other than that, I can say that I have lived my life to the fullest. I have enjoyed the family and friends I have been given, and for a small town Iowa girl, I have experienced much. Of course, there is more out there to see and do; there always is. But my life truly has been full and rich.

When I was younger, I lacked confidence and often did not take advantage of or enjoy opportunities like I could have. I can’t change that. I can only stop making that mistake, which I think I have. My choices are no longer based on being afraid of doing something or worrying about what others think. They are based on my beliefs of what is right and what is wrong, and on my desires to follow my dreams.

I have had my share of grief and difficulties in life. I know Master has, too. But we both consider ourselves lucky. The grief and despair of the negative experiences only block out the joy of the positive if you let it. I have, indeed, been lucky. I have built a career, a family, a life. I have lived, loved and experienced much.

One of the luckiest experiences has been to find Master and build a relationship with him.

I received the following comment on my last post:

Greetings- Whats with the master???? You are slave to no one but yourself..... I would rather reign in hell then serve in heaven! seriously, I dont understand the concept your saying you live under. Please illuminate it to me......

Well, I will try my best to illuminate.

You said, ”I would rather reign in hell then serve in heaven”. This leads me to believe that you are a dominant, or at the very least have a dominant personality. Let me ask you, if you are leading, or reigning, don’t you need those who will follow? That is the type of person I am. I have just made a commitment to devote myself to one person, whom I refer to as Master.

By choice I live a certain lifestyle. In our own ways and our own times, my significant other came to the conclusion that he was a dominant personality, and I came to the conclusion that I had a submissive personality. We each found out about bdsm (bondage, dominance/submission, sadomasochism). We eventually found each other.

For some people, bdsm is primarily about sex. Some submissives like to be beaten. It is play to them. I am not so much into that. I prefer to be bound or otherwise restrained. I find it a major turn on! But that is not really the heart of my relationship to Master Bennet.

The truth is, I like to serve. I work in fields where we “serve” others-I work in a school and I also work with mentally handicapped individuals. But even working at a pizza place, I approached the job with an attitude of how can I best serve the customer and the employer? I have come to realize that this is me. It is who I am and it is how I am the happiest.

Master Bennet is the flip side. He likes being in charge and being in control. Together we make a complete album, if you will. The use of Master and slave says that we have made a commitment to each other. It is also a recognition of our relationship to each other. He is committed to leading. I am committed to following. We are both committed to doing what is best for each other and for the relationship.

You also said I was slave to no one but myself. Yes, that is true. I do this by CHOICE. It’s what I want. It is also what Master Bennet wants. We are lucky to have found each other.

At work I have a picture from the 2003 State Fair. It is a picture of Chip and me right after he won his class. I have looked at it several times in the last few days. I am struck by the fact that neither of us exists in that form.

As I look at the picture I see myself weighing 100+ pounds more than I do today. Many people do not realize it is even me in the picture. I perhaps have more confidence today than I did then, but I feel like I am essentially the same person. I just exist in a different form today.

Then I look at Chip. His eyes are clear, his coat healthy, his weight good. I realize the physical ravages he went through before he died. But I believe he still exists today, and I don’t mean just in memory. His spirit continues.

Author Dean Koontz is also a dog lover. He wrote often about his dog, Trixie. This past summer, she died. On his website he writes about how, in one of Trixie’s favorite spots, he and his wife encountered a very different butterfly. They believe it was the spirit of their beloved Trixie.

Chip had a beautiful soul. Yes, I mean soul. I am not privy to the mysteries of the afterlife, but, perhaps as some believe, souls are reincarnated and come back, sometimes as people, some times as animals. Who knows, perhaps someday Chip and I will again walk this earth together.

NOTE: Master said I could put up one more post about Chip if I would do as much for him when he is gone. I hate to think about that idea. When he is gone, I will only want to roll myself up into a ball and cry myself to death. I will not, though, because I know my Master would not permit it. However, when that time comes, perhaps I can look back at this post and draw some comfort from it.

Why should I write? Why do I write? Many of you know that I am required by my Master to write in this blog daily. Is that the reason that I write? Is that my motivation? Well, it’s part of it, but not all of it.

I also write for me. I have posted several things about Chip. Master told me I was obsessing and I needed to move on. It just so happened that when he told me that, I was in the middle of another piece about, you guessed it, Chip. Did I stop writing? No. I needed to get it out. I did not necessarily need to post it, however. It still sits on my computer. But if I have something inside that I need to get out, writing is a good way to do that.

Sometimes an idea comes and you just have to go with it. I do take into account who will read what I write. I sometimes wonder if you, the readers, tire hearing about a particular subject. I also am careful not to write about something that would identify me. I like my anonymnity. So, I am careful about what I post.

But what I write? Nothing is off limits. I can go wherever my mind takes me. Why I write? I just do.

In the world of bdsm, is there a difference? Can one be a Dominant but not a Master? Can one be a submissive and not a slave? I say yes.

Dominant and submissive refers to the roles we play, or even our personality types. Some people are happy to let others make decisions, in fact are more comfortable that way. Others bristle at the idea that someone would control them in any way, shape or form. If you think about it, I bet you could name some Dominants and submissives that you know.

The words Master and slave go beyond that. They imply a relationship that exists between the people. To my mind, they are not used just for play but as a lifestyle. They explain the dynamics of the exclusive relationship between the two.

I suppose you can say the words “Master” and “slave” during playtime, but if it is only for play, well, I think you’ve missed out on the heart of the meaning of the words.