Yes, I hate them. The heightened emotions are going to kill me.

Look at my visits in the last two weeks. Master Bennet arrived. I got to the airport about an hour before his plane was scheduled to touch down. Under no circumstances did I want to be late! After using the bathroom and checking things out and using the bathroom again, I tried to settle myself down in the waiting area. I made a sign that said SOB and kept checking for Master. I tried to read and kept checking for Master. I kept checking and checking. I thought I would be a nervous wreck by the time he arrived and we got out of there.

It turns out his arrival was easy compared to his departure. It wasn’t so much that things went wrong at the airport. It was just that letting him go was so damned painful. And our pain was a vicious cycle. I would get teary-eyed, so he would, too. I’d see his pain and I’d get worse..well, I think you get the idea. At one point Master sent me back to the care to put something away. I think he knew we both needed the break, and the fresh air did me good.

When it came time for Master to go through security, I stood at the bottom of the escalator, watching him until he turned out of sight.

God, I hate airports.

Master Bennet’s leaving began to tell on him two days before he left. He was more ansy than usual. He was concerned about everything-being packed and prepared for the flight, whether the flights would be on time, what would his health do…There was so much on his mind. I, on the other hand, was just going with the flow.

Yeah, right. ..until the morning of his departure. Then it hit me. We seemed to spend the day struggling for words. For me, there was so much in my heart, and I couldn’t find the words for it all. When I tried, the tears would come. This in turn upset Master. He hates to see me cry. I knew this, and I tried to stop the tears, really I did try. I failed. The best I could do was to insist I had allergies-a blatant lie, one that Master recognized, appreciated, and even smiled at.

After I left the airport, I went to a park with a river and falls. I desperately needed the comfort of fresh air and the water and the outdoors to calm me. This park is beautiful, and I wished that I were sharing it with Master Bennet, but, of course, that could not be. So I took many pictures, which I will send to him. The funny thing is, Master is not really into rivers and falls like I am, but I need to share this with him, and I will.

Master called several times, letting me know that the flight was relatively on time and things were moving along as scheduled. I believe he also wanted to be sure I was okay.

I will take it one day at a time, and, yes, I will be okay.

I admit it: I have a jealous streak. Master has realized that, but he saw it during his visit.

Master left his email up on my computer. Now, Master has also told me his password. He wants no secrets. Master knows several people in the lifestyle, including a sub named D. I opened a letter from D to my Master.

In this letter, she started by saying Hello, Master. Now, to me, a sub should only address Doms as Sir. She should only address as Master the one to whom she has given herself. D went on in her letter to describe her day, then closed by saying “I love you more than you’ll ever know.” (Note: there was nothing sexual in the letter.)

I talked to Master about this. He explained that D’s Master has her address every Dom as Master. Master Bennet looks at her like a kid sister. He is friends with both D and her Master, B.

Could this be a line? An excuse? A cover up? I don’t believe so. Why not? First off, Master was not angry with me for looking. A cheater feels his privacy has been violated. I know this. I have been with cheaters before. Although he didn’t say “Look at all my emails,” he gave tacit permission, and he was not angry when I did it. Instead, he explained the situation and acknowledged that jealousy is a normal emotion. Then, of course, he told me not to be jealous, that I had nothing to be jealous of.

Master even offered to talk to B and have him not require D to call him Master. He asked how I felt about that. I’m not sure. No, I don’t like her calling my Master Master. On the other hand, I don’t want to regulate my Master’s relationships with other people. As long as he is not cheating on me, I do not want to stick my nose into this.

I should say, if I’m not there, I don’t mind if D “serves” him in the sense that she gives him a cool drink, or a pillow to make him more comfortable. As long as it’s not sexual and I’m not there, I don’t mind. If I were there, however, I’m sure my jealousy would flare up again. I’d be thinking, BACK OFF! Serve your own Master. This one is mine!

I realize in many BDSM relationships, playing, or in my opinion, cheating, is the norm. Since the Master is in charge, he can take advantage of other subs if he wants. Hey, he’s the Master, right? He can also command his slave to play (have sex, whatever) with others-male or female, For some, this is the lifestyle. This is not the type of relationship either Master or I want.

I don’t know if I am jealous by nature of if my attitude is a result of the way I have been treated in the past. I am just lucky to have an understanding Master.

I don't know how many of you check this blog regularly. If you do, I apologize for my recent absence. Master has been here, and we were incredibly busy. Master has said that I must keep up with The Book of Bennet. This means that I must write enough posts so that they average out to one a day. He has been quite generous in that he did not require me to write a post each day while he was here.

But yesterday Master boarded a plane to return home. I must now return to the work of The Book of Bennet. My first few posts will be quite morose, as I am very depressed about our physical separation. But there will be a variety of posts. Although things are painful now, I hope that I will be able soon to write about the several good days we had instead of focusing on the current pain of goodbye.

Master said that this morning. We were at breakfast this morning when he said it, so I automatically thought in terms of food.

You see, Master and I have been eating out a lot. I have been eating much differently. I have eaten much more in the morning. I am not used to 2-3 eggs, plus toast plus hash browns! This morning, I was looking at the menu trying to decide what to have. Do I eat more toast? Eggs? Pancakes?

Then Master said, when in doubt, leave it out. Okay, I doubted the idea of eating pancakes. So why didn’t I just eat what I thought would be better? I did. I ate a wrap with eggs and sausage, and some fresh fruit.

When in doubt, leave it out. I like that.