Lora stood still and looked up and down the corridor. It was painted white and brightly lit. There were doors alternated on both sides of the hallway, but they were spaced widely apart. There was no one else in sight.

Jaric waited while she took it all in. When she was ready to move, he led her to the right. They walked down the corridor, making several left and right turns through connecting hallways. Soon Lora was completely lost. She suspected that was the point. Eventually they arrived at an elevator. They entered and Jaric pushed the button for floor 13.

When the doors of the elevator opened, Lora was confronted with more open space than she’s seen for many weeks. Although she was still inside, she was in an arboretum of some sort. She walked out to find herself surrounded by many different plants and flowers. She and Jaric began to walk down the path that wound through the garden. Jaric continued to hold her hand snuggly, but not uncomfortably so. She tried not to focus on the feeling of holding hands with this man.

Lora looked this way and that in the garden. She didn’t know much about trees and plants, but she didn’t recognize any of the varieties in this garden at the top of this hospital. The temperature was pleasant, somewhere in the 70s, so these must not be tropical plants.

The path led around to a little clearing with a couple of benches. The two of them sat. For a moment they were both quiet. Then she said, “Am I sick? Do I have some sort of disease or something?”

“What?” he said, obviously confused.

“I’m in a hospital.”

“Not a hospital. A facility.”

“There’s a difference?” she scoffed.

“Oh, yes. There’s a big difference.”

“If I’m not physically ill..”

Jaric smiled. “You aren’t crazy, either. You are quite healthy, both physically and mentally.”

She chewed on her lip and considered that. Suddenly she froze. “Oh, my God. I’m part of an experiment. I just a rat in a maze!”

“No, Lora, no.” He looked into her eyes and seemed to bore deep into her soul. “I promise you, this is no experiment.” For some reason, she believed him.

“What is this place?”

He sighed. “Do you believe that everyone has a destiny, things they are to do in this life? A path that they are destined to travel?”

She blinked. She didn’t talk about it much, but that is what she believed. “Yes,” she said, “yes, I do.”

“The purpose of this facility is to help you along the path that you are meant to walk.”

Yesterday I was getting ready for work, and I felt sort of funny, a little weak and shaky. The truth is, I was hungry. I knew I was hungry, that my body was telling me to eat. But I was afraid to eat. I am a compulsive overeater and have to watch what I eat very carefully. If I start eating, or eat certain things, I don’t want to stop eating. I also know that I have trouble telling the difference between “I’m hungry” and “I want to eat”. It’s times like this that I realize the difficulty I have with food issues. I believe I have an eating disorder, the flipside of anorexia. I eat and don’t stop. In the past I weighed over 300 pounds.

Right now I am keeping a tight rein on the demons that I struggle with. As a result, I think about food almost constantly. What can I eat? When? How much? Am I really hungry? The funny thing is, when I am eating out of control, I hardly think about food at all. I just eat.

These are the demons I live with, and always will.

I often think about this in terms of my Master. I know my Master would like me to conquer these demons for his sake. But I’m afraid this is one of those things that I have to do for myself. I have to find it within myself to do the right thing, make the right choices, and fight the fight every day. Having said that, however, I must say that I do think about Master Bennet as I “fight the good fight”. There are times when I say “What would Bennet Want?” That helps to make my best choice clear. Even if I don’t consider Master’s wishes, when the day is done and I know I have done well, I know that I have pleased my Master.

I have seen that saying on T shirts. I don’t know where it comes from. I tried to google it, but didn’t find the exact quote or anyone taking credit for it. I really like the saying, but I wonder about it. Do you think it is true?

I know it is possible to give your all on something and still have things go bad. We all have seen it. Some people have to deal with shit they just don’t deserve. For that matter, some people get a lot better than they deserve. That goes to another saying: Life’s not fair.

But just because life isn’t fair, does that mean you shouldn’t give your best? No. Maybe things don’t always turn out for the best even if you give 100%, but I do believe they turn out better than if you don’t.

Anonymity on the web is important. It’s a good thing, at least in my opinion. Evidence of this is all over the stream.

For my part, I often write about very personal things here. I try not to give enough information that someone could deduce who I am in the “real” world. Recently I wrote about an event, but was afraid that it gave to much information for me to post it, so I ran it by my Master. He agreed; there was too much info to post.

I also notice people here who have “alternate identities”. They are playing. That’s fine, as long as no one takes things too seriously, which I don’t think they do. The anonymity allows us freedom to say things were wouldn’t normally share. It allows us to play in ways we wouldn’t be able to play without the shield of being unknown.

That same anonymity can be a cause for concern. What is the person like in real life? Are the things they say true? It is always wise, however, to keep in mind when dealing with someone on the net that anonymity is a factor.

Master Bennet has walked by my side in the real world, and he is involved with this blog as well. Thank you, Master. I appreciate the fact that you know and love both “me”s.

School is delayed due to snow. I hate snow. Okay, that‘s not entirely true. I don’t like driving in it when conditions are bad, although that can usually be delayed until conditions improve. I HATE shoveling it. You can only delay shoveling so long. That is what I spend my “free” time doing.

So if I hate snow, why do I live in Iowa? Because I don’t know any better. I was born and raised here. It’s the only place I’ve ever lived. Now it is the only place my kids have ever lived, and they aren’t thrilled about moving anywhere. I asked my son if we should move to Florida, where they don’t have snow. Of course his answer was “no”. As a matter of fact, I have asked Master the same question and got the same answer, although I believe for different reasons.

So, like most Iowans, I put up with the snow. At least for now. Someday, I can see myself leaving this mini-iceland. Perhaps I will become a snow bird. Naw, not really.

Everyone here knows my dream is to settle with Master, wherever he may choose to be.