Benign Neglect: Leaving something alone, observing it but not interfering, allowing it to heal on its own.

In my last post I told about Master’s mother, who went to the hospital with chest pains. First of all, it was not a heart attack, but rather angina. She is home again, for which we are all thankful.

As you can imagine, this was quite stressful for Master. As his slave and servant, I wanted so much to step in and help him, basically make it all better. But I could not do that for several reasons. First of all, I was not physically there, which makes offering comfort harder. Secondly, in a medical crisis, there is only so much you can do. I could only hope and pray, along with Master and the rest of his family, that his mother would be alright. But the most difficult thing for me was stepping back and letting Bennet have some space.

Master and I were talking last night after the crisis had settled down, and he said he needed some Bennet time. I understand the need for time alone to sort things out or even just to unwind. My inclination is to swoop in and make everything better. I had to fight that urge. I wondered what I would do if I were in the same house with him. I imagined myself giving him a hug and a kiss and then backing off. Perhaps asking if it would be okay for me to lay at his feet, out of his way. I could stay back, but still keep an eye one him. Like a faithful canine companion, I wanted to be where I could see him, could respond to his needs if possible, or just watch over him.

Master and I have been playing phone tag today. He seems a bit concerned that I took offense. I did not. I only wish to serve him in the best way possible, to enrich his life and make it better. I wish to fulfill all of his needs and desires. But there are things that I, devoted as I am, cannot do for him. I cannot make the stress go away. I can only love him through it.

Master told me today that his mother went to the hospital with chest pains.

I am concerned. I have never met his mother, but I know how much he loves her. I know this is very difficult for him. In spirit I am there, holding his hand, lending support. I pray he feels me as he needs me today.

As I said, I have never met his mother. I’m not sure how much she will like me when we meet. She may think I am trying to take her boy. She may think I’m using him or I don’t really love him/know him. I may find that I am only tolerated by her.

But I have great respect for her. She is Master’s mother. That in itself is reason to grant her respect. He loves her dearly, so I love her as well. She is his mother. I am also a mother, and as such I have an idea of how much she loves Bennet. I have great respect for her, because I believe she is possibly the one person in this world who loves Bennet as much as I do.

To Master’s mother I say, may you find swift healing and come back home soon. To Master I say, I am with you, now and forever.

What I see in Master Bennet:

I see confidence. Master usually knows what he wants, and he certainly isn’t afraid to let it be known. I’ve said to people, if he has an opinion about something, you’ll know it. He goes forward without hesitation.

I see intelligence. Master thinks things through. He doesn’t simply have an opinion, he has thought it through. He sees things from different angles.

I see strength. Master does what needs to be done without hesitation.

I see compassion. Master is not afraid to cry when the occassion calls for tears. He is quick to help those who need it, or lead an ear or offer comfort.

I see truth. Sometimes truth is hard, but Master doesn’t flinch from it. Master would rather say the truth, and hear the truth, then deal with a lie.

I see uniqueness. I’m not sure how else to describe it. Master will stand out from other people. If you meet him, you will like him or you will not, but he will make some sort of impression on you. That is just the way he is.

I see a beautiful soul. This is not something I see with my eyes, but that I perceive with my heart. Of all the things that make Master special, this is THE ONE.

Master is my love. My life. My future. My destiny.

What is your philosophy of bdsm?

I saw this question on a website message board. I didn’t answer it because the questions was posed to Mistresses, and I am a female submissive, but I thought it was a good question.

First I should say that there is a wide variety of philosophies, or beliefs about bdsm. Different people are looking for different things from the lifestyle. That’s cool, no problem. What follows is what I feel, what I have found, and what I believe.

I was first introduced to the concept of bdsm by someone who said they wanted a 24/7 relationship. I said, yeah, right. I’d never do that. Can someone hand me a fork, and perhaps a little ketchup, to eat those words? I consider my relationship to Master Bennet a 24/7 relationship.

By 24/7 I don’t mean that we are together all of the time, or even much of the time. But our relationship is always Dominant/submissive. Someone watching us in public may not know we are into bdsm, but they would be able to say that Master is the dominant in the relationship, and I am submissive. And that is my philosophy of bdsm.

For Master and I it is a relationship. It is D/s, but it is a relationship. We talk about things that are on our minds, share our fears and our hopes. We spend time with activities we enjoy. My Master can make demands upon me at any time, but he doesn’t do so capriciously. What would be the point? He knows that if he says to do something, I will do it. He does not have to flex his dominant muscle. He doesn’t have to prove he is in control. He simply is, and he knows it.

If there is no relationship, the bdsm thing just doesn’t work for me. I used to talk to a Dom online. He would command me to do things. For the most part, it was directed masturbation. I had no problem with that. I like to do things to please. But there was nothing else, and I felt their was a void. It felt like a game to me, not real. I gave up that relationship. It wasn’t real to me.

So for me, bdsm must include a relationship. In a bdsm, both partners give their ALL. 100% Subs give themselves completely. If Master requires something of me, I am to give it. All of it. He can literally ask for anything. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, I am in his hands. Of course, Master also has my trust. I trust him not to ask for more than I can give. A Master must also give his all. He must ever be mindful of my well-being, since he has complete charge of me. Just as a parent would give all, including their life, for their child, so I expect my Master to be just a devoted to me. Of course, if we were in life-threatening situation, we would probably both die as we tried to save each other.

To me, bdsm is two people sharing each other, the entwining of two souls.

The biggest kid of all is....my Master. Masters are often very strict. They expect obedience. And Master Bennet also expects obedience. But he likes to have fun! And for him fun isn’t just beating his sub. For some Masters, that is their idea of a good time with their sub. But Master Bennet is so much more.

So how is Master like a kid? First and foremost, Master is not afraid to enjoy himself, do what he feels, act silly, regardless of who is watching. Often adults hold back, hold in their emotions, including their joy, because they think their actions would be unseemly. Who cares?!? Actually, I have struggled with this ability to let go all of my life. I am much better at it now than I would have believed I would be when I was young. People around me perceive me has happy, a bit crazy, honest (because I will say just about anything). Master is like this, only more so.

Master enjoys several things that kids enjoy. He loves a good story, good entertainment. He loves movies and books. He likes to be entertaining. He likes having an audience and sharing with them. He likes to play games, like Monopoly and Gin. And today I found out he likes magic. That is an interest that he shares with the boys.

When Master first told me he was a big kid, I said as long as he is a responsible kid, which he is. He knows when to be serious, and he knows how to solve problems. But at heart, he is a kid. He is ready to have fun! He knows life is too short to be serious all of the time.